OF  THE 

UNIVERSITY 

OF 


The  Elevator 

A  FARCE 

By  W.  D.  Howells 


BOSTON  AND   NEW  YORK 

Houghton  Mifflin 
Company 


COPYRIGHT,   1885  AND   1913,   BY  W.   D.  HOWELLS 
I 

ALL   RIGHTS   RESERVED 


THE  ELEVATOR. 

JFarte. 


THE   ELEVATOR 
Jfarce, 


rpHROUGH  the  curtained  doorway 
-*-  of  Mrs.  Edward  Roberta's  pretty 
drawing-room,  in  Hotel  Bellingham, 
shows  the  snowy  and  gleaming  array  of 
a  table  set  for  dinner,  under  the  dim 
light  of  gas-burners  turned  low.  An  air 
of  expectancy  pervades  the  place,  and 
the  uneasiness  of  Mr.  Roberts,  in  even 
ing  dress,  expresses  something  more  as 
he  turns  from  a  glance  into  the  dining- 


6  THE  ELEVATOR. 

room,  and  still  holding  the  portibre  with 
one  hand,  takes  out  his  watch  with  the 
other. 

Mr.  Roberts,  to  Mrs.  Roberts  entering 
the  drawing-room  from  regions  beyond  : 
"My  dear,  it's  six  o'clock.  What  can 
have  become  of  your  aunt  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts,  with  a  little  anxiety: 
"  That  was  just  what  I  was  going  to  ask. 
She's  never  late;  and  the  children  are 
quite  heart-broken.  They  had  counted 
upon  seeing  her,  and  talking  Christmas  a 
little  before  they  were  put  to  bed." 

Roberts  :  "  Very  singular  her  not  com- 
ing!  Is  she  going  to  begin  standing 
upon  ceremony  with  us,  and  not  come 
tiU  the  hour?" 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "Nonsense,  Edward! 
She's  been  detained.  Of  course  she'll 


THE  ELEVATOR.  f 

be  here  in  a  moment.  How  impatient 
you  are ! " 

Roberts :  "  Yon  mnst  profit  by  me  as 
an  awful  example." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  going  about  the  room, 
and  bestowing  little  touches  here  and 
there  on  its  ornaments :  "  If  you  'd  had 
that  new  cook  to  battle  with  over  this 
dinner,  you  'd  have  learned  patience  by 
this  time  without  any  awful  example." 

Roberts,  dropping  nervously  into  the 
nearest  chair :  "  I  hope  she  is  n't  behind 
time." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  drifting  upon  the  sofa, 
and  disposing  her  train  effectively  on  the 
carpet  around  her :  "  She 's  before  tune. 
The  dinner  is  in  the  last  moment  of  ripe 
perfection  now,  when  we  must  still  give 
people  fifteen  minutes'  grace."  She  stud? 


g  THE  ELEVATOR. 

ies  the  convolutions  of  her  train  absent 
mindedly. 

Roberts,  joining  in  its  perusal:  "la 
that  the  way  you  've  arranged  to  be  sit 
ting  when  people  come  in  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "Of  course  not.  I 
shall  get  up  to  receive  them." 

Roberts:  "That's  rather  a  pity.  To 
destroy  such  a  lovely  pose." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "Do  you  like  it?" 

Roberts:  " It 's  divine." 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  You  might  throw  me 
a  kiss." 

Roberts:  "No;  if  it  happened  to 
strike  on  that  train  anywhere,  it  might 
spoil  one  of  the  folds.  I  can't  risk  it." 
A  ring  is  heard  at  the  apartment  door. 
They  spring  to  their  feet  simultaneously 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "There's  Aunt  Mary 


THE  ELEVATOR.  9 

now ! "  She  calls  into  the  vestibule*, 
"Aunt  Mary!" 

Dr.  Lawton^  putting  aside  the  vesti 
bule  porti&re,  with  affected  timidity : 
"Very  sorry.  Merely  a  father." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "Oh,  Dr.  Lawton?  I 
am  so  glad  to  see  you ! "  She  gives  him 
her  hand :  "  I  thought  it  was  my  aunt. 
We  can't  understand  why  she  hasn't 
come.  Why !  where  's  Miss  Lawton  ?  " 

Lawton:  "That  is  precisely  what  1 
was  going  to  ask  you." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Why,  she  is  n't  here." 

Lawton :  "  So  it  seems.  I  left  her 
with  the  carriage  at  the  door  when  I 
started  to  walk  here.  She  called  after 
me  down  the  stairs  that  she  would  be 
ready  in  three  seconds,  and  begged  me 
to  hurry,  so  that,  we  could  come  in  to* 


10  THE  ELEVATOR. 

gether,  and  not  let  people  know  Pel 
saved  half  a  dollar  by  walking." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  She  Js  been  detained 
too!" 

Roberts,  coming  forward :  "  Now  you 
know  what  it  is  to  have  a  delinquent 
Aunt-Mary-in-law." 

£/awton,  shaking  hands  with  him :  "  Oh, 
Roberts!  Is  that  you?  It's  astonishing 
how  little  one  makes  of  the  husband  of  a 
lady  who  gives  a  dinner.  In  my  time  — 
a  long  time  ago  —  he  used  to  carve.  But 
nowadays,  when  everything  is  served  d, 
la  Russe,  he  might  as  well  be  abolished. 
Don't  you  think,  on  the  whole,  Roberts, 
you'd  better  not  have  come?" 

Roberts:  "Well,  you  see, I  had  no  ex 
cuse.  I  hated  to  say  an  engagement 
I  hadn't  any." 


THE  ELEVATOR.  \\ 

JLawton:  "Oh,  I  understand.  Fou 
wanted  to  come.  We  all  do,  when  Mrs. 
Roberts  will  let  us."  He  goes  and  sits 
down  by  Mrs.  Roberts,  who  has  taken  a 
more  provisional  pose  on  the  sofa.  "  Mrs. 
Roberts,  you  're  the  only  woman  in  Bos 
ton  who  could  hope  to  get  people,  with 
a  fireside  of  their  own  —  or  a  register  — 
out  to  a  Christmas  dinner.  You  know  I 
still  wonder  at  your  effrontery  a  little  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts,  laughing:  "I  knew  I 
should  catch  you  if  I  baited  my  hook 
with  your  old  friend." 

Lawton:  "Yes,  nothing  would  have 
kept  me  away  when  I  heard  Bemis  wa? 
coming.  But  he  does  n't  seem  so  inflex. 
ible  in  regard  to  me.  Where  is  he  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "I'm  sure  I  don't 
know.  I  'd  no  idea  I  was  giving  such  a 


12  THE  ELEVATOR. 

formal  dinner.  But  everybody,  begin 
ning  with  my  own  aunt,  seems  to  think 
it  a  ceremonious  occasion.  There  are 
only  to  be  twelve.  Do  you  know  the 
Millers?" 

Lawton :  "  No,  thank  goodness !  One 
meets  some  people  so  often  that  one 
fancies  one's  weariness  of  them  reflected 
in  their  sympathetic  countenances.  Who 
are  these  acceptably  novel  Millers  ?  " 

Mrs.  JRoberts:  "Do  explain  the  Mil 
lers  to  the  doctor,  Edward." 

Roberts,  standing  on  the  hearth-rug, 
with  his  thumbs  in  his  waistcoat  pockets : 
"  They  board." 

Lawton :  "  Genus.  That  accounts  for 
their  willingness  to  flutter  round  your 
evening  lamp  when  they  ought  to  be 
singeing  their  wings  at  their  own.  Well, 
Bpecies?" 


THE  ELEVATOR.  13 

Roberts:  "They're  very  nice  young 
newly  married  people.  He 's  something 
or  other  of  some  kind  of  manufactures. 
And  Mrs.  Miller  is  disposed  to  think 
that  all  other  ladies  are  as  fond  of  him 
as  she  is." 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Oh !  That  is  not  so, 
Edward." 

JLawton:  "You  defend  your  sex,  aa 
women  always  do.  But  you'll  admit 
that,  as  your  friend,  Mrs.  Miller  may 
have  this  foible." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "I  admit  nothing  of 
the  kind.  And  we've  invited  another 
young  couple  who  have  n't  gone  to  house 
keeping  yet  —  the  Curwens.  And  h& 
has  the  same  foible  as  Mrs.  Miller."  Mrs. 
Roberts  takes  out  her  handkerchief  and 
.aughs  into  it. 


14  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Lawton:  "That  is,  if  Mrs.  Miller  has 
it,  which  we  both  deny.  Let  us  hope 
that  Mrs.  Miller  and  Mr.  Curwen  may 
not  get  to  making  eyes  at  each  other." 

Roberts:  "And  Mr.  Bemis  and  his 
son  complete  the  list.  Why,  Agnes, 
there  are  only  ten.  You  said  there  were 
twelve." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Well,  never  mind.  I 
meant  ten.  I  forgot  that  the  Summerses 
declined."  A  ring  is  heard.  "Ah!  that's 
Aunt  Mary."  She  runs  into  the  vesti 
bule,  and  is  heard  exclaiming  without : 
"  Why,  Mrs.  Miller,  is  it  you  ?  I  thought 
it  was  my  aunt.  Where  is  Mr.  Miller  ?  " 

Mrs.  Miller^  entering  the  drawing- 
room  arm-in-arm  with  her  hostess :  "  Oh, 
he  '11  be  here  directly.  I  had  to  let  him 
run  baclr  for  my  fan." 


THE  ELR/ATOR.  15 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Well,  we  're  tery  glad 
to  have  you  to  begin  with.  Let  me  intro 
duce  Dr.  Lawton." 

Mrs.  Miller •,  in  a  polite  murmur :  "  Dr. 
Lawton."  In  a  louder  tone :  "  Oh,  Mr. 
Roberts!" 

Lawton:  "You  see,  Roberts?  The 
same  aggrieved  surprise  at  meeting  you 
here  that  I  felt." 

Mrs.  Miller:  "What  in  the  world  do 
you  mean?" 

Lawton :  "  Don't  you  think  that  when 
a  husband  is  present  at  his  wife's  dinner 
party  he  repeats  the  mortifying  superflu 
ity  of  a  bridegroom  at  a  wedding  ?  " 

Mrs.  Miller  :  "  I  'm  sure  I  don't  know 
what  you  mean.  I  should  never  think 
of  giving  a  dinner  without  Mr.  Miller." 

Lawton:  "No?"  A  ring  is  heard, 
*  There 's  Bemis." 


16  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Mrs.  Miller:  "It's  Mr.  Miller." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Aunt  Mary  at  last ! " 
As  she  bustles  toward  the  door :  "  Ed 
ward,  there  are  twelve  —  Aunt  Mary 
and  Willis." 

Roberts:  "Oh  yes.  I  totally  forgot 
Willis." 

Lawton :  "  Who 's  Willis  ?  " 

Roberts :  "  Willis  ?  Oh,  Willis  is  my 
wife's  brother.  We  always  have  him." 

Dr.  Lawton :  "  Oh,  yes,  Campbell." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  without :  "  Mr.  Bemis ! 
So  kind  of  you  to  come  on  Christmas." 

Mr.  Bemis,  without :  "  So  kind  of  you 
to  ask  us  houseless  strangers." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  without :  "  I  ran  out 
here,  thinking  it  was  my  aunt.  She 's 
played  us  a  trick,  and  has  n't  come  yet." 

Bemis,  entering  the  drawing-roora 
with  Mrs.  Roberts :  "  I  hope  she  won't 


THE  ELEVATOR.  17 

fail  altogether.  I  have  n't  met  her  for 
twenty  years,  and  I  counted  so  much 
upon  the  pleasure  —  Hello,  Lawton ! " 

Lawton:  «  Hullo,  old  fellow  !"  They 
fly  at  each  other  and  shake  hands.  "  Glad 
to  see  you  again." 

Bemis,  reaching  his  left  hand  to  Mr. 
Roberts,  while  Mr.  Lawton  keeps  hia 
right:  "Ah!  Mr.  Roberts." 

Lawton :  "  Oh,  never  mind  him.  He 's 
merely  the  husband  of  the  hostess." 

Mrs.  Miller,  to  Roberts:  "What  does 
he  mean  ?  " 

Roberts:  "Oh,  nothing.  Merely  a 
joke  he  's  experimenting  with." 

Lawton,  to  Bemis:  "Where's  your 
boy?" 

Bemis :  "  He  '11  be  here  directly.  He 
preferred  to  walk.  Where 's  your  girl  ? '' 


18  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Lawton :  "  Oh,  she  '11  come  by-and-by. 
She  preferred  to  drive." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  introducing  them  :  "  Mr. 
Bemis,  have  you  met  Mrs.  Miller  ?  "  She 
drifts  away  again,  manifestly  too  uneasy 
to  resume  even  a  provisional  pose  on  the 
sofa,  and  walks  detach  edly  about  the 
room. 

JSemis:  "What  a  lovely  apartment 
Mrs.  Roberts  has." 

Mrs.  Miller  :  "  Exquisite !  But  then 
she  has  such  perfect  taste." 

JBemis,  to  Mrs.  Roberts,  who  drifts 
near  them:  "We  were  talking  about 
your  apartment,  Mrs.  Roberts.  It's 
charming." 

Mrs.  .Roberts:  "It  is  nice.  It's  th« 
ideal  way  of  living.  All  on  one  floor 
No  stairs,  Nothing." 


THE  ELEVATOR.  19 

Bemis :  "  Yes,  when  once  you  get  here ! 
But  that  little  matter  of  five  pair  up — v 

Jkfrs.  Roberts:  "You  don't  mean  to 
say  you  walked  up  ?  Why  in  the  world 
did  n't  you  take  the  elevator  ?  " 

Bemis :  "  I  did  n't  know  you  had  one." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "It's  the  only  thing 
that  makes  life  worth  living  in  a  flat. 
All  these  apartment  hotels  have  them." 

Bemis:  "Bless  me!  Well,  you  see, 
I've  been  away  from  Boston  so  long, 
and  am  back  so  short  a  time,  that  I  can't 
realize  your  luxuries  and  conveniences. 
In  Florence  we  always  walk  up.  They 
have  ascenseurs  in  a  few  great  hotels, 
and  they  brag  of  it  in  immense  signs  on 
the  sides  of  the  building." 

Lawton:  "What  pastoral  simplicity! 
SJVe  are  elevated  here  to  a  degree  that 


20  THE  ELEVATOR, 

you  can't  conceive  of,  gentle  shepherd* 
Has  yours  got  an  air-cushion,  Mrs.  Rob* 
erts?" 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "An  air-cushion? 
What's  that?" 

Lawton :  "  The  only  thing  that  makes 
your  life  worth  a  moment's  purchase  in 
an  elevator.  You  get  in  with  a  glass  of 
water,  a  basket  of  eggs,  and  a  file  of  the 
Daily  Advertiser.  They  cut  the  eleva 
tor  loose  at  the  top,  and  you  drop." 

Both  ladies:  "Oh!" 

Lawton:  "In  three  seconds  you  ar 
rive  at  the  ground-floor,  reading  your 
file  of  the  Daily  Advertiser  ;  not  an 
egg  broken  nor  a  drop  spilled.  I  saw  il 
done  in  a  New  York  hotel.  The  air  is 
compressed  under  the  elevator,  and  actl 
as  a  sort  of  ethereal  buffer." 


THE  ELEVATOR.  2\ 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "And  why  don't  we 
always  go  down  in  that  way  ?  " 

Lawton:  "Because  sometimes  the 
walls  of  the  elevator  shaft  give  out." 

Mrs,  Roberts:  "  And  what  then ?" 

Lawton:  "Then  the  elevator  stops 
more  abruptly.  I  had  a  friend  who  tried 
it  when  this  happened." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "And  what  did  he 
do?" 

Laicton :  "  Stepped  out  of  the  eleva 
tor;  laughed;  cried;  went  home;  got 
into  bed;  and  did  not  get  up  for  six 
weeks.  Nervous  shock.  He  was  fortu 
nate." 

Mrs.  Miller:  "I  shouldn't  think 
you'd  want  an  air-cushion  on  your 
elevator,  Mrs.  Roberts." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "No,  indeed!    Hor 


22  THE  ELEVATOR. 

<id ! "    The  bell  rings.      «  Edward, 
go  and  see  if  that 's  Aunt  Mary." 

Mrs.  Miller:  "It's  Mr.  Miller,  1 
know." 

£emis :  "Or  my  son." 

Lawton :  "  My  voice  is  for  Mrs.  Rob- 
ert&'s  brother.  I  've  given  up  all  hopes 
of  my  daughter." 

Roberts^  without :  "  Oh,  Curwen !  Glad 
to  see  you  1  Thought  you  were  my  wife's 
aunt." 

Lawton^  at  a  suppressed  sigh  from 
Mrs.  Roberts :  "  It 's  one  of  his  jokes, 
Mrs.  Roberts.  Of  course  it's  your 
aunt." 

Mrs.  Roberts^  through  her  set  teeth, 
smilingly :  "  Oh,  if  it  is9 1  '11  make  him 
•uffer  for  it." 

Mr.  Curwen,  without:  "No,  I  hatea 
to  wait,  so  I  walked  up." 


THE  ELEVATOR.  23 

Lawton :  "  It  is  Mr.  Curwen,  after  all, 
Mrs.  Roberts.  Now  let  me  see  how  a 
lady  transmutes  a  frown  of  threatened 
vengeance  into  a  smile  of  society  wel 
come." 

Mrs.  Jtoberts :  "Well,  look ! "  To  Mr. 
Curwen,  who  enters,  followed  by  her 
husband  :  "  Ah,  Mr.  Curwen  !  So  glad 
to  see  you.  You  know  all  our  friends 
here  —  Mrs.  Miller,  Dr.  Lawton,  and 
Mr.  Bemis?" 

Curwen^  smiling  and  bowing  and  shak 
ing  hands  right  and  left :  "Very  glad  — 
very  happy  —  pleased  to  know  you." 

Mrs.  Roberts^  behind  her  fan  to  Dr. 
Lawton  :  "  Did  n't  I  do  it  beautifully?" 

Lawton^  behind  his  hand  :  "  Wonder, 
fully !  And  so  unconscious  of  the  fact 
that  he  has  n't  his  wife  with  him." 


24  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Mrs.  Roberts,  in  great  astonishment,  to 
j}Ir.  Curwen:  "Where  in  the  world  ia 
Mrs.  Curwen?" 

Curwen:  "Oh  —  oh  —  she'll  be  here. 
I  thought  she  was  here.  She  started  from 

O 

home  with  two  right-hand  gloves,  and  I 
had  to  go  back  for  a  left,  and  I  —  I  sup 
posed —  Good  heavens!"  pulling  the 
glove  out  of  his  pocket.  "  I  ought  to 
have  sent  it  to  her  in  the  ladies'  dressing- 
room."  He  remains  with  the  glove  held 
up  before  him,  in  spectacular  stupe 
faction. 

Lawton :  "  Only  imagine  what  Mrs. 
Curwen  would  be  saying  of  you  if  she 
were  in  the  dressing-room." 

^Roberts:  "Mr.  Curwen  felt  so  sure 
she  was  there  that  he  would  n't  wait  to 
take  the  elevator,  and  walked  up."  An 


THE  ELEVATOR.  22 

other  ring  is  heard.     "  Shall  I  go  anf 
meet  your  aunt  now,  my  dear  ?  " 

Mrs.  ^Roberts:    "No,   indeed!      She 
may  come  in  now  with  all  the  formality 
she  chooses,  and  I  will  receive  her  ex- 
cuses  in   state."      She   waves  her   fan 
softly  to  and  fro,  concealing  a  murmur 
of  trepidation  under  an  indignant  air, 
till  the  portiere  opens,  and  Mr.  Willis 
Campbell  enters.      Then  Mrs.  Roberts 
breaks  in  nervous   agitation :     "  Why, 
Willis !    Where 's  Aunt  Mary  ?  " 
Mrs.  Miller:  "  And  Mr.  Miller?" 
Curwen :  "  And  Mrs.  Curwen  ?  " 
Lawton :  "  And  my  daughter  ?  " 
Bemis :  "  And  my  son  ?  " 
Mr.     Campbell,    looking     tranquilly 
round  on  the  faces  of  his  interrogators 
M  Is  it  a  conundrum  ?  " 


26  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Mrs.  JRoberts,  mingling  a  real  distress 
with  an  effort  of  mock  heroic  solemnity 
"It  is  a  tragedy!  Oh,  Willis  dear!  it's 
what  you  see  —  what  you  hear:  a  nieoe 
witlioat  an  aunt,  a  wife  without  a  hus 
band,  a  father  without  a  son,  and  another 
father  without  a  daughter." 

Roberts  :  "  And  a  dinner  getting  cold, 
and  a  cook  getting  hot." 

Lawton  :  "  And  you  are  expected  to 
account  for  the  whole  situation." 

Campbell:  "  Oh,  I  understand  !  I  don't 
know  what  your  little  game  is,  Agnes, 
but  I  can  wait  and  see.  I^m  not  hun- 


Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Willis,  do  you  think 
I  would  try  and  play  a  trick  on  you,  if  I 
could?" 

Campbell:  "I  think  you  can't.  Como 


THE  ELEVATOR.  27 

now,  Agnes !  It 's  a  failure.  Own  up, 
and  bring  the  rest  of  the  company  out  of 
the  next  room.  I  suppose  almost  any 
thing  is  allowable  at  this  festive  season, 
but  this  is  pretty  feeble." 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Indeed,  indeed,  they 
are  not  there !  " 

Campbell:  "Where  are  they,  then?" 
All:  "That's  what  we  don't  know." 
Campbell:  "  Oh,  come,  now !  that 's  a 
little  too  thin.    You  don't  know  where 
any  of  all  these  blood-relations  and  con 
nections  by  marriage  are  ?    Well,  search 
me!" 

Mrs.  Roberts^  in  open  distress :  "  Oh, 
I  'm  sure  something  must  have  happened 
to  Aunt  Mary ! " 

Mrs.  Miller  :  "  I  can't  understand  what 
Ellery  C.  Miller  means." 


28  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Lawton^  with  a  simulated  sternness 
$I  hope  you  haven't  let  that  son  of 
yours    run    away    with    iny   daughter, 
Bemis?" 

JSemis :  "  I  'm  afraid  he 's  come  to  a 
pass  where  he  would  n't  ask  my  leave." 

Curwen,  re-assuring  himself:  "Ah, 
she's  all  right,  of  course.  I  know 
that—" 

JSemis  :  "  Miss  Lawton  ?  " 

Curwen:  "No,  no  —  Mrs.   Curwen." 

Campbell:  "  Is  it  a  true  bill,  Agnes  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Indeed  it  is,  Willis. 
We  Ve  been  expecting  her  for  an  hom 
—  of  course  she  always  comes  early  — 
and  I  'm  afraid  she  's  been  taken  ill  sud 
demy." 

Roberts :  «  Oh,  I  don't  think  it 's 
my  dear." 


THE  ELEVATOR.  £9 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "  Oh,  of  course  you 
never  think  anything 's  wrong,  Edward. 
My  whole  family  might  die,  and — " 
Mrs.  Roberts  restrains  herself,  and  turns 
to  Mr.  Campbell,  with  hysterical  cheer 
fulness  :  "  Who  came  up  in  the  elevator 
with  you?" 

Campbell:  "Me?  I  didn't  come 
in  the  elevator.  I  had  my  usual  luck. 
The  elevator  was  up  somewhere,  and 
after  I  'd  pressed  the  annunciator  button 
till  my  thumb  ached,  I  watched  my 
chance  and  walked  up." 

Mrs,  Roberts  :  "  Where  was  tbe  jani 
tor?" 

Campbell:  "  Where  the  janitor  always 
is  —  nowhere." 

Lawton:  "Eating  his  Christmas  din 
ner,  probably," 


80  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Mrs.  Roberts,  partially  abandoning 
and  then  recovering  herself :  "  Yes,  it 's 
perfectly  spoiled!  Well,  friends,  I  think 
we'd  better  go  to  dinner  —  that's  the 
only  way  to  bring  them.  I'll  go  out 
and  interview  the  cook."  Sotto  voce  to 
her  husband :  "  If  I  don't  go  somewhere 
and  have  a  cry,  I  shall  break  down  here 
before  everybody.  Did  you  ever  know 
anything  so  strange?  It's  perfectly  — 
pokerish." 

Lawton:  "Yes,  there's  nothing  like 
serving  dinner  to  bring  the  belated 
guest.  It 's  as  infallible  as  going  with 
out  an  umbrella  when  it  won't  rain." 

Campbell:  "  ISTo,  no  !  Wait  a  minute, 
Roberts.  You  might  sit  down  without 
»ne  guest,  but  you  can't  sit  down  with 
out  five.  It's  the  old  joke  about  the 


THE  ELEVATOR.  Jft 

part  of  Hamlet.  I'll  just  step  round  to 
Aunt  Mary's  house  —  why,  I  '11  be  back 
in  three  minutes." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  with  perfervid  grati 
tude  :  "  Oh,  how  good  you  are,  Willis ! 
You  don't  know  how  much  you're 
doing!  What  presence  of  mind  you 
have !  Why  could  n't  we  have  thought 
of  sending  for  her?  Oh,  Willis,  I  can 
never  be  grateful  enough  to  you !  But 
you  always  think  of  everything." 

Roberts:  "I  accept  my  punishment 
meekly,  Willis,  since  it 's  in  your  honor." 

Lawton :  "  It 's  a  simple  and  beautiful 
solution,  Mrs.  Roberts,  as  far  as  your 
aunt 's  concerned ;  but  I  don't  see  how 
it  helps  the  rest  of  us." 

Mrs.  Miller,  to   Mr.  Campbell:  "I 
you  meet  Mr.  Miller  — " 


82  THE  ELEVATOR: 

Curwen :  "Or  my  wife  — " 

Bemis :  "  Or  my  son  — " 

Lawton :  "  Or  my  daughter  — " 

Campbell:  "I'll  tell  them  they've 
just  one  chance  in  a  hundred  to  save 
their  lives,  and  that  one  is  open  to  them 
for  just  five  minutes." 

Lawton  :  "  Tell  my  daughter  that  I  've 
been  here  half  an  hour,  and  everybody 
knows  I  drove  here  with  her." 

Bemis:  "Tell  my  son  that  the  next 
time  I  '11  walk,  and  let  him  drive." 

Mrs.  Miller :  "  Tell  Mr.  Miller  I  found 
I  had  my  fan,  after  all." 

Curwen:  "And  Mrs.  Curwen  that 
I  've  got  her  glove  all  right."  He  holda 
it  up. 

Mrs.  Roberts^  at  a  look  of  mystifi. 
cation  and  demand  from  her  brother 


THE  ELEVATOR.  33 

"  Never  mind  explanations,  Willis. 
They'll  understand,  and  we'll  explain 
when  you  get  back." 

Lawton,  examining  the  glove  which 
Curwen  holds  up:  "Why,  so  it  is 
right!" 

Curwen  :  "  What  do  you  mean  ?  " 

Lawton:  "Were  you  sent  back  to 
get  a  left  glove  ?  " 

Curwen :  "  Yes,  yes ;  of  course." 

Lawton :  "  Well,  if  you  '11  notice,  thia 
is  a  right  one.  The  one  at  home  is 
left." 

Curwen^  staring  helplessly  at  it: 
"Gracious  Powers!  what  shall  I  do?" 

Lawton:  "Pray  that  Mrs.  Curwen 
may  never  come." 

Mr.  Curwen^  dashing  through  tne 
door:  "I'll  be  back  by  the  time  .Mr. 
Campbell  returns." 


84  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Mrs.  Miller,  with  tokens  of  breaking 
down  visible  to  Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  I  won 
der  what  could  have  kept  Mr.  Miller. 
It 's  so  very  mysterious,  I  — " 

Mrs.  Roberts,  suddenly  seizing  her  by 
the  arm,  and  hurrying  her  from  the 
room  :  "  Now,  Mrs.  Miller,  you've  just 
got  time  to  see  my  baby." 

Mr.  Roberts,  winking  at  his  remaining 
guests:  "A  little  cry  will  do  them 
good.  I  saw  as  soon  as  Willis  came  in  in 
stead  of  her  aunt,  that  my  wife  could  n't 
get  through  without  it.  They  '11  come 
back  as  bright  as  — " 

Lawton:  "Bemis,  should  you  mind 
&  bereaved  father  falling  upon  your 
neck?" 

Hemis:  "Yes,  Lawton,  I  think  I 
ihould.' 


THE  ELEVATOR.  $5 

Xawton:  "Well  it  is  rather  odd 
about  all  those  people.  You  can  say  of 
one  or  two  tliat  they've  been  delayed, 
but  five  people  can't  have  been  delayed. 
It's  too  much.  It  amounts  to  a  coin- 
cidence.  Hello !  What 's  that  ?  " 
JKoberts  :  "  What 's  what  ?  " 
Lawton  :  u  I  thought  I  heard  a  cry." 
JKoberts  :  "  Very  likely  you  did.  They 
profess  to  deaden  these  floors  so  that 
you  can't  hear  from  one  apartment  to 
another.  But  I  know  pretty  well  when 
my  neighbor  overhead  is  trying  to  wheel 
his  baby  to  sleep  in  a  perambulator  at 
three  o'clock  in  the  morning ;  and  I 
guess  our  young  lady  lets  the  people 
below  understand  when  she's  wakeful. 
But  it 's  the  only  way  to  live,  after  alL 
I  would  n't  go  back  to  the  old  up-and« 


86  THE  ELEVATOR. 

down-stairs,  house-in-a-block  system  on 
any  account.  Here  we  all  live  on  the 
ground-floor  practically.  The  elevator 
equalizes  everything." 

Hemis :  "Yes,  when  it  happens  to 
be  where  you  are.  I  believe  I  prefer  the 
good  old  Florentine  fashion  of  walking 
upstairs,  after  all." 

Lawton:  "Roberts,  I  did  hear  some 
thing.  Hark!  It  sounded  like  a  cry 
for  help.  There  !  " 

Roberts:  "You're  nervous,  doctor. 
It 's  nothing.  However,  it 's  easy  enough 
to  go  out  and  see."  He  goes  out  to  the 
door  of  the  apartment,  and  immediately 
returns.  He  beckons  to  Dr.  Lawton  and 
Mr.  Bemis,  with  a  mysterious  whisper : 
"  Come  here,  both  of  you.  Don't  alarm 
the  ladies." 


II. 

Is  the  interior  of  the  elevator  are 
seated  Mrs.  Roberts's  Aunt  Mary  (Mrs. 
Crashaw),  Mrs.  Curwen,  and  Miss  Law- 
ton;  Mr,  Miller  and  Mr.  Alfred  Bemia 
are  standing  with  their  hats  in  their 
hands.  They  are  in  dinner  costume, 
with  their  overcoats  on  their  arms,  and 
the  ladies'  draperies  and  ribbons  show 
from  under  their  outer  wraps,  where 
they  are  caught  up  and  held  with  that 
caution  which  characterizes  ladies  in 
Bitting  attitudes  which  they  have  not 
been  able  to  choose  deliberately.  As 
they  talk  together,  the  elevator  rises 

37 


88  THE  ELEVATOR. 

very  slowly,  and  they  continue  talking 
for  some  time  before  they  observe  that 
it  has  stopped. 

Mrs.  Crashaw:  "It's  very  fortunate 
that  we  are  all  here  together.  I  ought 
to  have  been  here  half  an  hour  ago,  but 
I  was  kept  at  home  by  an  accident  to  my 
finery,  and  before  I  could  be  put  in  re 
pair  I  heard  it  striking  the  quarter  past. 
I  don't  know  what  my  niece  will  say  to 
me.  -I  hope  you  good  people  will  all 
stand  by  me  if  she  should  be  violent." 

Miller :  "  In  what  a  poor  man  may 
with  his  wife's  fan,  you  shall  command 
me,  Mrs.  Crashaw."  He  takes  the  fan 
out,  and  unfurls  it. 

Mrs.  Crashaw  :  "  Did  she  send  you 
jack  for  it?" 

Miller  :  "  I  should  n't  have  had  thf 


THE  ELEVATOR.  89 

pleasure  of  arriving  with  you  if  she 
had  n't." 

Mrs.  CrashaW)  laughing,  to  Mrs.  Cur- 
wen:  "What  did  you  send  yours  back 
for,  my  dear  ?  " 

Mrs.  Curwen,  thrusting  out  one  hand 
gloved,  and  the  other  ungloved  :  "  I 
didn't  want  two  rights." 

Young  Mr.  Bemis\  "Not  even  wo 
men's  rights?" 

Mrs.  Curwen  :  "  Oh,  so  young  and  so 
depraved!  Are  all  the  young  men  in 
Florence  so  bad?"  Surveying  her  ex 
tended  arms,  which  she  turns  over :  "  1 
don't  know  that  I  need  have  sent  him 
for  the  other  glove.  I  could  have  ex 
plained  to  Mrs.  Roberts.  Perhaps  she 
would  have  forgiven  my  coming  in  one 
glove." 


40  /   THE  ELEVATOR. 


^  looking  down  at  the  pretty 
arms  :  "  If  she  had  seen  you  without." 

Mrs.  Curwen  :  "  Oh,  you  were  look* 
ing  !  "  She  rapidly  involves  her  arms 
in  her  wrap.  Then  she  suddenly  un 
wraps  them,  and  regards  them  thought- 
fully.  "  What  if  he  should  bring  a  ten- 
button  instead  of  an  eight  !  And  he  's 
quite  capable  of  doing  it." 

Milkr  :  "  Are  there  such  things  as  ten- 
button  gloves  ?  " 

Mrs.  Curwen  :  "  You  would  think 
there  wer«  ten-thousand-button  gloves 
if  you  had  them  to  button." 

Miller  :  "  It  would  depend  upon  whom 
I  had  to  button  them  for." 

Mrs.  Curwen  :  "  For  Mrs.  Miller,  for 
example." 

Mrs.  Crashaw  :  "  We  women  are  too 


THE  ELEVATOR.  41 

i?od,  always  sending  people  back  for 
something.  It 's  well  the  men  don't 
know  how  bad." 

Mrs.  Curwen:  "'Sh!  Mr,  Miller  is 
listening.  And  he  thought  we  were  per 
fect.  He  asks  nothing  better  than  to  be 
sent  back  for  his  wife's  fan.  And  he 
does  n't  say  anything  even  under  hia 
breath  when  she  finds  she 's  forgotten  it, 
and  begins,  *  Oh,  dearest,  my  fan  — ' 
Mr.  Curwen  does.  But  he  goes  all  the 
same.  I  hope  you  have  your  father  in 
good  training,  Miss  Lawton.  You  must 
commence  with  your  father,  if  you  ex 
pect  your  husband  to  be  *  good.'  " 

Miss  Lawton :  "  Then  mine  will  never 
behave,  for  papa  is  perfectly  incorri 
gible." 

Mrs.   Curwen :   "  I  'm  sorry  to  hear 


42  THE  ELEVATOR. 

such  a  bad  report  of  him.  Shouldn't 
you  think  he  would  be  *  good,'  Mr.  Be- 
mis?" 

Young  Mr.  Bemis :  "  I  should  think 
he  would  try." 

Mrs.  Curwen  :  "  A  diplomate,  as  well 
as  a  punster  already !  I  must  warn  Miss 
Lawton." 

Mrs.  Crashaw,  interposing  to  spare 
the  young  people:  "What  an  amusing 
thing  elevator  etiquette  is !  Why  should 
the  gentlemen  take  their  hats  off?  Why 
don't  you  take  your  hats  off  in  a  horso. 
car?" 

Miller:  "The  theory  is  that  the  eleva 
tor  is  a  room." 

young  Mr.  Bemis :  "  We  were  at  a 
hotel  in  London  where  they  called  it  the 
Ascending  Room." 


fHB  ELEVATOR.  43 

Miss  Lawton  :  "  Oh,  how  amusing  !  n 
Miller^  looking    about  :    "  This   is   a 
regular  drawing-rooni  for  size  and  lux 
ury.    They  Jre  usually  such  cribs  in  these 
hotels." 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  Yes,  it 's  very  nice, 
though  I  say  it  that  shouldn't  of  my 
niece's  elevator.  The  worst  about  it  is, 
it 's  so  slow." 

Miller :  "  Let 's  hope  it 's  sure." 
Young  Mr.  Bemis :  "  Some  of  these 
elevators  in  America  go  up  like  express 
trains." 

Mrs.  Curwen,  drawing  her  shawl  about 
her  shoulders,  as  if  to  be  ready  to  step 
out :  "  Well,  I  never  get  into  one  with 
out  taking  my  life  in  ruy  hand,  and  my 
heart  in  my  mouth.  I  suppose  everyone 
really  expects  an  elevator  to  drop  with 


44  THE  ELEVATOR. 

them,  some  day,  just  as  everybody  reall} 
expects  to  see  a  ghost  some  time." 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  Oh,  my  dear !  what 
an  extremely  disagreeable  subject  of  con 
versation." 

Mrs.  Curwen :  "  I  can't  help  it,  Mrs. 
Crashaw.  When  I  reflect  that  there  are 
two  thousand  elevators  in  Boston,  and 
that  the  inspectors  have  just  pronounced 
a  hundred  and  seventy  of  them  unsafe, 
I  'm  so  desperate  when  I  get  into  one 
that  I  could  — flirt!" 

Miller,  guarding  himself  with  the  fan : 
«  Not  with  me !  " 

Mss  Lawton,  to  young  Mr.  Bemis : 
"  How  it  does  creep  ! " 

Young    Mr.   Semis,    looking    down 
fondly  at  her:   "Oh,  does  it?" 
Mrs.  Crashaw:  "Why,  it  doesn't  #f 


THE  ELEVATOR.  45 

at  all !    It's  stopped.    Let  us  get  out." 

They  all  rise. 

The  Elevator  Boy,  pulling    at    the 

rope :  "  We  're  not  there,  yet." 

Mrs.  CrashaW)  with  mingled  trepida 
tion  and  severity  :  "Not  there?    What 

are  you  stopping  then,  for  ?  " 

The  Elevator  Boy:  "I  don't  know, 

It  seems  to  be  caught." 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  Caught  ?  " 
Miss  Lawton :  "  Oh,  dear ! " 
Young  Mr.  Bemis:  "  Don't  mind." 
Miller :  "  Caught  ?    Nonsense !  " 
Mrs.    Curwen:    "We're    caught,    .1 

should  say."      She   sinks  back  on  the 

seat. 

The  Elevator  Boy :  "  Seemed  to  be 

going  kind  of  funny  all  day ! "    He  keeps 

tugging  at  the  rope. 


46  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Miller,  arresting  the  boy's  efforts  i 
"  Well,  hold  on  —  stop  I  What  are  you 
doing?" 

Tlie  Elevator  Boy :  "  Trying  to  make 
it  go." 

Miller:  "Well,  don't  be  so  — violent 
about  it.  You  might  break  something." 

The  Elevator  Boy :  "  Break  a  wire 
rope  like  that !  " 

Miller:  "Well,  well,  be  quiet,  now. 
Ladies,  I  think  you  'd  better  sit  down  — 
and  as  gently  as  possible.  I  wouldn't 
move  about  much." 

Mrs.  Curwen :  "  Move !  We  're  stone. 
And  I  wish  for  my  part  I  were  a 
feather." 

Miller,  to  the  boy:  "Er —  a  —  er-— 
where  do  you  suppose  we  are  ?  " 

The  Elevator  Boy:  "We're  in  th« 


THE  ELEVATOR.  Jtf 

shaft,  between  the  fourth  and  fifth 
floors."  He  attempts  a  fresh  demon 
stration  on  the  rope,  but  is  prevented. 

Miller  :  «  Hold  on  !    Er — er — " 

Mrs.  CrashciW)  as  if  the  boy  had  to  be 
communicated  with  through  an  inter 
preter  :  "  Ask  him  if  it 's  ever  happened 
before." 

Miller :  "  Yes.  Were  you  ever  caught 
before?" 

The  Elevator  JBoy  :  "No." 

Miller:  "He  says  no." 

Mrs.  Crashaw  :  "  Ask  him  if  the  ele« 
vator  has  a  safety  device." 

Miller:  "Has  it  got  a  safety  device?" 

The  Elevator  Boy :  "  How  should  I 
know?" 

Miller  :  "  He  says  he  don't  know." 

Mrs.  Ctirwen,  in  a  shriek  of  hysterical 


48  THE  ELEVATOR. 

laughter :  "  Why,  he  understands  Eng= 
lish!" 

Mrs.  Crasliaw,  sternly  ignoring  the  in- 
linuation  :  "  Ask  him  if  there 's  any 
means  of  calling  the  janitor." 

Miller:  "  Could  you  call  the  janitor?  " 

The  Elevator  Boy,  ironically :  "  Well, 
there  ain't  any  telephone  attachment." 

MiUer,  solemnly :  "  ISTo,  he  says  there 
isn't." 

Mrs.  Crashaw,  sinking  back  on  the 
seat  with  resignation :  "  Well,  I  don't 
know  what  my  niece  will  say." 

Miss  Lawton :  "  Poor  papa !  " 

Young  Mr.  Bemis,  gathering  one  of 
her  wandering  hands  into  his :  "  Don't 
be  frightened.  I  'm  sure  there  's  no 
danger." 

The     Elevator    Boy,     indignantly  -. 


THE  ELEVATOR.  48 

"Why,  she  can't  drop.  The  cogs  in 
the  runs  won't  let  her!" 

All:  "Oh!" 

Miller,  with  a  sigh  of  relief :  "  I  kneiv 
there  must  be  something  of  the  kind. 
Well,  I  wish  my  wife  had  her  fan." 

Mrs.  Curwen  :  "  And  if  I  had  my  left 
glove  I  should  be  perfectly  happy.  Not 
that  I  knc'»v  what  the  cogs  in  the  runa 
are ! " 

Mrs.  Orashaio :  "  Then  we  're  merely 
caught  here  ?  " 

Miller:  "That's  all." 

Mrs.  Curwen  :  "  It 's  quite  enough 
for  the  purpose.  Could  n't  you  put  on  a 
Ufe-preserver,  Mr.  Miller,  and  go  ashore 
tnd  get  help  from  the  natives  ?  " 

Miss  Lawton,  putting  her  handke* 
Chief  to  her  eyes  :  "  Oh,  dear  !  " 


50  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Mrs.  Crashaw,  putting  her  arm  around 
her :  "  Don't  be  frightened,  my  child. 
There  's  no  danger." 

Young  Mr.  Bemis,  caressing  the  hacd 
which  he  holds :  "  Don't  be  frightened. ' 

Miss  iMwton :  "  Don't  leave  me." 

Young  Mr.  Bemis  :  "  No,  no ;  I  won't. 
Keep  fast  hold  of  my  hand." 

Miss  Lawton :  "  Oh,  yes,  I  will !  I  'm 
ashamed  to  cry." 

Young  Mr.  Bemis,  fervently:  "Oh, 
you  need  n't  be  !  It  is  perfectly  natural 
you  should." 

Mrs.  Curwen :  "  I  'm  too  badly  scared 
for  tears.  Mr.  Miller,  you  seem  to  be  in 
charge  of  this  expedition  —  could  n't  you 
do  something?  Throw  out  ballast,  or 
let  the  boy  down  in  a  parachute?  Or 
I  Ve  read  of  a  shipwreck  where  the  SUP 


THE  ELEVATOR.  §\ 

rivors,  in  an  open  boat,  joined  in  a  cry, 
and  attracted  the  notice  of  a  vessel  that 
was  going  to  pass  them.  We  might 
join  in  a  cry." 

Miller :  "  Oh,  it 's  all  very  well  joking, 
Mrs.  Curwen  —  " 

Mrs.  Curwen:  "You  call  it  joking!" 

Miller:  "But  it's  not  so  amusing, 
being  cooped  up  here  indefinitely.  I 
don't  know  how  we  're  to  get  out.  "We 
can't  join  in  a  cry,  and  rouse  the  whole 
house.  It  would  be  ridiculous." 

Mrs.  Curwen  :  "  And  our  present  atti 
tude  is  so  eminently  dignified  1  Well,  I 
suppose  We  shall  have  to  cast  lots  pretty 
goon  to  see  which  of  us  shall  be  sacri 
ficed  to  nourish  the  survivors.  It 's  long 
past  dinner-time." 

Miss  Lawton,  breaking  down :  "  Oh, 
don't  say  such  terrible  things." 


52  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Young  Mr.  Semis,  indignantly  com- 
forting  her :  «  Don't,  don't  cry.  There  'a 
no  danger,  It 's  perfectly  safe." 

Miller,  to  the  Elevator  Boy :  "  Could  n't 
you  climb  up  the  cable,  and  get  on  to 
the  landing,  and  —  ah  !  —  get  some 
body?" 

Tlie  Elevator  Soy:  "I  could,  maybe, 
if  there  was  a  hole  in  the  roof." 

Miller,  glancing  up  :  "Ah !  true." 

Mrs.  Crasliaw,  with  an  old  lady's  seri 
ous  kindness:  "My  boy,  can't  you  think 
of  anything  to  do  for  us  ?  " 

The  Elevator  Boy,  yielding  to  the 
touch  of  humanity,  and  bursting  into 
tears :  «  No,  ma'am,  I  can't.  And  every, 
body  blamin'  me,  as  if  I  done  it. 
What's  my  poor  mother  goin'  to  do?" 

Mrs.  Crashaw,  soothingly :  "  But  you 
laid  the  runs  in  the  cogs  —  " 


THE  ELEVATOR.  53 

The  Elevator  Boy :  "  How  can  I  tell  I 
That's  what  they  say.  They  hain't 
never  been  tried." 

Mrs.  Curwen,  springing  to  her  feet: 
«  There !  I  knew  I  should.  Oh !  "  She 
sinks  faulting  to  the  floor. 

Mrs.  Crashaw,  abandoning  Miss  Law- 
ton  to  the  ministrations  of  young  Mi. 
Bemis,  while  she  kneels  beside  Mrs. 
Curwen  and  chafes  her  hand :  "  Oh, 
poor  thing!  I  knew  she  was  over 
wrought  by  the  way  she  was  keeping 
up.  Give  her  air,  Mr.  Miller.  Open 
a —  Oh,  there  isn't  any  window!" 

Miller )  dropping  on  his  knees  and 
fanning  Mrs.  Curwen  :  ct  There  !  there  \ 
Wake  up,  Mrs.  Curwen.  I  did  n't  mean 
to  scold  you  for  joking.  I  didn't,  in 
deed.  I  —  I  —  I  don't  know  what  the 


64  THE  ELEVATOR. 

deuce  I'm  up  to."  He  gathers  Mrs, 
Curwen's  inanimate  form  in  his  arms, 
and  fans  her  face  where  it  lies  on  his 
shoulder.  "  I  don't  know  what  my  wife 
would  say  if  —  " 

Mrs.  Craskaw :  "  She  would  say  that 
you  were  doing  your  duty." 

Miller,  a  little  consoled :  "  Oh,  do  you 
think  so  ?  Well,  perhaps." 

Young  Mr.  Bemis:  "Do  you  feel 
faint  at  all,  Miss  Lawton  ?  " 

Miss  Lawton  :  "No,  I  think  not.  No, 
not  if  you  say  it 's  safe." 

Young  Mr.  Bemis :  "  Oh,  I  'm  sure  it 
is!" 

Miss  Lawton,  renewing  her  hold  upon 
his  hand:  "Well,  then!  Perhaps  \ 
hurt  you  ?  " 

Young  Mr.  Bemis  :  "  No,  no !  You 
could  n't." 


THE  ELEVATOR.  55 

Miss  Lawton :  "  How  kind  you  are ! " 
Mrs.    Curwen,    opening    her    eyes: 
•'Where  —  " 

Miller,  rapidly  transferring  her  to  Mrs. 
Crashaw :   "  Still  in  the  elevator,  Mrs. 
Curwen."    Hising  to  his  feet:  "Some 
thing  must  be  done.     Perhaps  we  had 
better  unite  in  a  cry.    It 's  ridiculous,  of 
course.    But  it 's  the  only  thing  we  can 
do.    Now,  then!    Hello!" 
Miss  Lawton  :  "  Papa ! " 
Mrs.  Crashaio  :  "  Agne-e-e-s !  " 
Mrs.  Curwen,  faintly :  "  Walter !  " 
The  Elevator  Boy:  "  Say !  " 
Miller  :  "  Oh,  that  won't  do.    All  join 
in 'Hello!'" 
All:  "Hello!" 
Miller:  "Once  more!" 
All:  "Hello!" 


56  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Miller:  "  Once  more  !" 
All:  "Hello!" 

Miller:  "Now  wait  awhile."  After 
an  interval :  "  No,  nobody  coming."  He 
takes  out  his  watch.  "  We  must  repeat 
this  cry  at  intervals  of  a  half-minute. 
Now,  then !  "  They  all  join  in  the  cry, 
repeating  it  as  Mr.  Miller  makes  the  sig 
nal  with  his  lifted  hand. 

Miss  Laioton :  "  Oh,  it 's  no  use ! " 
Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  They  don't  hear." 
Mrs.  Curwen  :  "  They  won't  hear." 
Miller :  "  Now,  then,  three  times ! w 
Att:  "Hello I  hello!  hello!" 


III. 

ROBERTS  appears  at  the  outer  door  of 
his  apartment  on  the  fifth  floor.  It 
opens  upon  a  spacious  landing,  to  which 
a  wide  staircase  ascends  at  one  side.  At 
the  other  is  seen  the  grated  door  to  the 
shaft  of  the  elevator.  He  peers  about 
on  all  sides,  and  listens  for  a  moment  be 
fore  he  speaks. 

Roberts  :  "  Hello  yourself." 

Miller,  invisibly  from  the  shaft:  "Is 
that  you,  Roberts?" 

Jloberts:  "Yes;  where  in  the  world 
we  you  ?  " 

Mller:  "In  the  elevator." 

sr 


68  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Mrs.  CrasJiaw :  "  We  're  all  here,  Ed* 
ward." 

Roberts :  "  What !  You,  Aunt  Mary ! n 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  Yes.  Did  n't  I  say 
so?" 

Roberts  :  "  Why  don't  you  come  up  ? ' 

MiUer  :  "  We  can't.  The  elevator  has 
got  stuck  somehow." 

Roberts :  "  Got  stuck  ?  Bless  my  soul  • 
How  did  it  happen?  How  long  have 
you  been  there  ?  " 

Mrs.  Curwen:  "Since  the  world  be- 
gan!" 

Miller  :  "  What 's  the  use  asking  how 
it  happened  ?  We  don't  know,  and  we 
don't  care.  What  we  want  to  do  is  to 
get  out." 

Roberts :  "  Yes,  yes  !     Be  careful ! 
He  rises  from  his  frog-like  posture  at  the 


THE  ELEVATOR.  59 

grating,  and  walks  the  landing  in  agita- 

tion.     "  Just  hold  on  a  minute  !  " 
Miller:  "  Oh,  we  sha'  n't  stir." 
Rober-ts :  "  I  '11  see  what  can  be  done.'* 
Miller:  "Well,  see  quick,  please.    We 

have  plenty  of  time,  but  we  don't  want 

to  lose  any.     Don't  alarm  Mrs.  Miller,  if 

you  can  help  it." 
Roberts:  "No,  no." 
Mrs.  Curwen:  "You  may  alarm  Mr. 

Curwen." 

Roberts :  "  What !     Are  you  there  ?  " 
Mrs.  Curwen  :  "  Here  ?     I  've   been 

here  all  my  life ! " 

Roberts :  "  Ha !  ha !  ha !    That 's  right. 

We'll  soon  have   you  out.     Keep  up 

your  spirits." 
Mrs.  Curwen  :  "  But  I  'm  not  keeping 

chem  up." 


60  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Miss  Lawton  :  "  Tell  papa  I  'm  hera 
too." 

Roberts:  "What!  You  too,  Miea 
Lawton?" 

Mrs.  Orashaw  :  "  Yes,  and  young  Mr. 
Beinis.  Didn't  I  tell  you  we  were  all 
here?" 

Roberts :  "  I  could  n't  realize  it.  Well, 
wait  a  moment." 

Mrs.  Curwen :  "  Oh,  you  can  trust  us 
to  wait." 

JRoberts,  returning  with  Dr.  Lawton 
and  Mr.  Bemis,  who  join  him  in  stoop 
ing  around  the  grated  door  of  the  shaft : 
"  They  're  just  under  here  in  the  well  of 
the  elevator,  midway  between  the  two 
stories." 

Lawton:  "Ha!  ha!  ha!    You  don't 


THE  ELEVATOR.  61 

Semis :  "  Bless  my  heart !     What  are 
they  doing  there  ?  " 

Miller  :  "  We  're  not  doing  anything." 

Mrs.  Curwen:  "We're  waiting  for 
you  to  do  something." 

Miss  Lawton :  "  Oh,  papa !  " 

Lawton:  "Don't  be  troubled,  Lou, 
we'll  soon  have  you  out." 

Young  Mr.  Semis:  "Don't  be 
alarmed,  sir.  Miss  Lawton  is  all  right." 

Miss  Lawton:  "Yes,  I'm  not  fright- 
ened,  papa." 

Lawton:  "Well,  that's  a  great  thing 
in  cases  of  this  kind.  How  did  you 
happen  to  get  there  ?  " 

Miller,  indignantly:    "How  do  you 
suppose  ?    We  came  up  in  the  elevator.'1 
Lawton:    "Well,    why    didn't    you 
tome  the  rest  of  the  way  ?  " 


62  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Miller:  "  The  elevator  would  n't." 

Lawton :  "  What  seems  to  be  the  mat* 
ter?" 

Miller:  "We  don't  know." 

Lawton:  "Have  you  tried  to  start 
it?" 

Miller:  "Well,  I'll  leave  that  to  your 
imagination." 

Lawton :  "  Well,  be  careful  what  you 
do.  You  might  —  " 

Miller,  interrupting:  " Roberts,  who 'a 
Jiat  talking?" 

HobertSy  coming  forward  politely: 
"Oh,  excuse  me!  I  forgot  that  you 
didn't  know  each  other.  Dr.  Lawton, 
Mr.  Miller."  Introducing  them. 

Lawton :  "  Glad  to  know  you." 

Miller:  "Very  happy  to  make  your 
acquaintance,  and  hope  some  day  to  see 


THE  ELEVATOR  63 

you.  And  now,  if  you  have  completed 
your  diagnosis  —  " 

Mrs.  Curwen:  "None  of  us  have  ever 
had  it  before,  doctor;  nor  any  of  our 
families,  so  far  as  we  know." 

Lawton:  "Ha!  ha!  ha!  Very  good! 
Well,  just  keep  quiet.  We  '11  have  you 
all  out  of  there  presently." 

Bemis:  "Yes,  remain  perfectly  still." 

Roberts:  "Yes,  we'll  have  you  out. 
Just  wait." 

Miller:  "You  seem  to  think  we're 
going  to  run  away.  Why  should  n't  we 
keep  quiet?  Do  you  suppose  we're 
going  to  be  very  boisterous,  shut  up  here 
like  rats  in  a  trap  ?  " 

Mrs.  Curwen :  "  Or  birds  in  a  cage,  if 
you  want  a  more  pleasing  image." 

Mrs.  Crashaw  :  "  How  are  you  g^ing 
to  get  us  out,  Edwird  ?  " 


64  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Roberts :  "  We  don't  know  yet.  But 
keep  quiet  —  " 

Miller :  "  Keep  quiet !  Great  heavens ! 
we  're  afraid  to  stir  a  finger.  Now  don't 
Bay  *  keep  quiet '  any  more,  for  we  can't 
Btand  it." 

Lawton:  "He's  in  open  rebellion. 
What  are  you  going  to  do,  Roberts  ?  " 

Roberts,  rising  and  scratching  his 
head :  "  Well,  I  don't  know  yet.  We 
might  break  a  hole  in  the  roof." 

Lawton:  "Ah,  I  don't  think  that 
would  do.  Besides  you  'd  have  to  get  a 
carpenter." 

Roberts  :  "  That 's  true.  And  it  would 
make  a  racket,  and  alarm  the  house  — " 
staring  desperately  at  the  grated  door 
way  of  the  shaft.  "  If  I  could  only  find 
fin  elevator  man  —  an  elevator  builder ' 


THE  ELEVATOR.  fift 

But  of  course  they  all  live  in  the  &ul> 
urbs,  and  they're  keeping  Christmas, 
and  it  would  take  too  long,  anyway." 

Bemis :  "  Had  n't  you  better  send  for 
the  police  ?  It  seems  to  me  it 's  a  case 
for  the  authorities." 

Lawton :  "  Ah,  there  speaks  the  Euro* 
peanized  mind !  They  always  leave  the 
initiative  to  the  authorities.  Go  out  and 
sound  the  fire-alarm,  Roberts.  It's  a 
case  for  the  Fire  Department." 

Roberts :  "  Oh,  it 's  all  very  well  to 
jake,  Dr.  Lawton.  Why  don't  yoa 
prescribe  something  ?  " 

Lawton :  "  Surgical  treatment  seems 
to  be  indicated,  and  I'm  merely  a 
general  practitioner." 

Roberts :  "  If  Willis  were  only  here, 
he  'd  find  some  way  out  of  it.  Well,  I  '11 
have  to  go  for  help  somewhere  — " 


66  THE  ELEVATOR, 

Mrs.  Roberts  and  Mrs.  Miller,  burst 
ing  upon  the  scene  :  "  Oh,  what  is  it  ?  n 

La.wton:  "Ah,  you  needn't  go  for 
help,  my  dear  fellow.  It 's  come !  " 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  What  are  you  all  do 
ing  here,  Edward?" 

Mrs.  Miller  :  "  Oh,  have  you  had  any 
bad  news  of  Mr.  Miller  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  «  Or  Aunt  Mary  ?" 

Miller,  calling  up:  "Well,  are  you 
going  to  keep  us  here  all  night  ?  Why 
don't  you  do  something  ?  " 

Mrs.  Mller  :  "  Oh,  what 's  that  ?  Oh, 
it's  Mr.  Miller!  Oh,  where  are  you, 
Ellery?" 

Miller:  "  In  the  elevator." 

Mrs.  MiUer  :  "  Oh !  and  where  is  the 
elevator?  Why  don't  you  get  out? 
Oh—" 


THE  ELEVATOR.  67 

Miller :  "  It 's  caught,  and  we  can't." 
Mrs.  Mller:  "  Caught?  Oh,  then  you 
will  be  killed  — killed  — killed!  And 
it 's  all  my  fault,  sending  you  back  after 
my  fan,  and  I  had  it  all  the  time  in  my 
own  pocket;  and  it  comes  from  my 
habit  of  giving  it  to  you  to  carry  in  your 
overcoat  pocket,  because  it 's  deep,  and 
the  fan  can't  break.  And  of  course  I 
never  thought  of  my  own  pocket,  and 
I  never  should  have  thought  of  it  at  all 
if  Mr.  Curwen  had  n't  been  going  back 
to  get  Mrs.  Curwen's  glove,  for  he'd 
brought  another  right  after  she'd  sent 
him  for  a  left,  and  we  were  all  having 
such  a  laugh  about  it,  and  I  just  hap 
pened  to  put  my  hand  on  my  pocket, 
and  there  I  felt  the  fan.  And  oh,  what 
ihall  I  do  ?  "  Mrs.  Miller  utters  these 


68  THE  ELEVATOR. 

explanations  and  self-reproaches  in  a 
lamentable  voice,  while  crouching  closo 
to  the  grated  door  to  the  elevator  shaft, 
and  clinging  to  its  meshes. 

Miller:  "Well,  well,  it's  all  right 
I  've  got  you  another  fan,  here.  Don't 
be  frightened." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  wildly :  "  Where 's  Aunt 
Mary,  Edward?  Has  Willis  got  back?" 
At  a  guilty  look  from  her  husband : 
"Edward!  don't  tell  me  that  she's  in 
that  elevator !  Don't  do  it,  Edward ! 
For  your  own  sake  don't.  Don't  tell  me 
that  your  own  child's  mother's  aunt  is 
down  there,  suspended  between  heaven 
and  earth  like  —  like — " 

Lawton :  "  The  coffin  of  the  Prophet.' 

Mrs.  Itoberts  :  "  Yes.  J)orft  tell  me 
Edward !  Spare  your  child's  mother,  if 
you  won't  spare  your  wife  I " 


THE  ELEVATOR.  69 

Mrs.  Crashaw:  "Agnes!  don't  be 
ridiculous.  I'm  here,  and  I  never  was 
more  comfortable  in  my  life." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  calling  down  the  grat> 
ing:  "Oh!  Is  it  you,  Aunt  Mary?" 

Mrs.  Crashaw  :  "  Of  course  it  is !  " 

Mrs.  JZoberts:  "You  recognize  my 
voice  ?  " 

Mrs.  Crashaw:  "I  should  hope  so, 
indeed !  Why  should  n't  I  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  And  you  know  me  ? 
Agnes?  Oh!" 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  Don't  be  a  goose, 
Agnes," 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Oh,  it  is  you,  aunty. 
It  is  !  Oh,  I  'm  so  glad !  I  'm  so  happy ! 
But  keep  perfectly  still,  aunty  dear,  and 
we  '11  soon  have  you  out  Think  of  baby, 
and  don't  give  way." 


70  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Mrs.  (Jrashaw :  "  I  shall  not,  if  the 
elevator  does  n't,  you  may  depend  upon 
that." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "Oh,  what  courage 
you  do  have !  But  keep  up  your  spirits  I 
Mrs.  Miller  and  I  have  just  come  from 
seeing  baby.  She 's  gone  to  sleep  with 
all  her  little  presents  in  her  arms.  The 
children  did  want  to  see  you  so  much 
before  they  went  to  bed.  But  never 
mind  that  now,  Aunt  Mary.  I  'm  only 
too  thankful  to  have  you  at  all !  " 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  I  wish  you  did  have 
me  I  And  if  you  will  all  stop  talking 
and  try  some  of  you  to  do  something,  I 
shall  be  greatly  obliged  to  you.  It's 
worse  than  it  was  in  the  sleeping-car 
fjiat  night." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Oh,  do  you  remembei 


THE  ELEVATOR.  71 

It,  Aunt  Mary?  Oh,  how  funny  you 
are  I  "  Turning  heroically  to  her  hus 
band  :  "  Now,  Edward,  dear,  get  them 
out.  If  it's  necessary,  get  them  out 
over  my  dead  body.  Anything !  Only 
hurry.  I  will  be  calm ;  I  will  be  patient, 
But  you  must  act  instantly.  Oh,  here 
comes  Mr.  Curwen ! "  Mr.  Curwen 
mounts  the  stairs  to  the  landing  with 
every  sign  of  exhaustion,  as  if  he  had 
made  a  very  quick  run  to  and  from  his 
house.  "  Oh,  he  will  help  —  I  know  he 
will!  Oh,  Mr.  Curwen,  the  elevator 
is  caught  just  below  here  with  my  aunt 
in  it  and  Mrs.  Miller's  husband  — " 

Lawton  :  "  And  my  girl." 

Bemis  :  "  And  my  boy." 

Mrs.  Curwen)  calling  up :  "  And  you* 
wifel" 


72  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Curwen,  horror-struck :  "  And  my 
wife !  Oh,  heavenly  powers !  what  are 
we  going  to  do?  How  shall  we  get 
them  out  ?  Why  don't  they  come 
up?" 

All:  "They  can't." 

Curwen  :  "  Can't  ?  Oh,  my  goodness ! " 
He  flies  at  the  grating,  and  kicks  and 
beats  it. 

Roberts  :  "  Hold  on !  What 's  the  use 
of  that?" 

Lawton :  "  You  could  n't  get  at  them 
if  you  beat  the  door  down." 

Bemis  :  "  Certainly  not."  They  lay 
hands  upon  him  and  restrain  him. 

Curwen,  struggling:  "Let  me  speak 
to  my  wife !  Will  you  prevent  a  husband 
from  speaking  to  his  own  wife  ?  " 

Mrs.  Miller,  in  blind  admiration  of  hi* 


THE  ELEVATOR.  73 

frenzy :  "  Yes,  that 's  just  what  I  said. 
If  some  one  had  beaten  the  door  in  at 
once  — " 

Mrs.  Roberts:  «  Oh,  Edward,  dear,  let 
him  speak  to  his  wife."  Tearfully: 
«  Think  if  I  were  there!" 

Roberts,  releasing  him:  "He  may 
speak  to  his  wife  all  night.  But  he 
must  n't  knock  the  house  down." 

Curwen,  rushing  at  the  grating :  "  Car 
oline  !  Can  you  hear  me  ?  Are  you 
safe?" 

Mrs.  Curwen:  "Perfectly.  I  had  a 
little  faint  when  we  first  stuck  —  " 

Curwen  :  "  Faint  ?    Oh ! " 

Mrs.  Curwen :  "  But  I  am  all  right 
DOW." 

Curwen:  "Well,  that's  right.  Don't 
be  frightened !  There 's  no  occasion  for 


74  THE  ELEVATOR. 

excitement.  Keep  perfectly  calm  and 
collected.  It 's  the  only  way —  What's 
that  ringing?"  The  sound  of  an  elec 
trie  bell  is  heard  within  the  elevator.  It 
increases  in  fury. 

Mrs.  Roberts  and  Mrs.  MiUer  :  "  Oh, 
is  n't  it  dreadful?" 

The  Elevator  Boy:  "It's  somebody 
on  the  ground-floor  callin'  the  eleva 
tor!" 

Curwen :  "  Well,  never  mind  him. 
Don't  pay  the  slightest  attention  to  him. 
Let  him  go  to  the  deuce !  And,  Caro 
line!" 

Mrs.  Curwen:  "Yes?" 

Curwen  :  "I  —  I  —  I  Ve  got  you* 
glove  all  right." 

Mrs.  Curwen :  "  Left,  you  mean,  ] 
tope?" 


THE  ELEVATOR.  75 

Curwen  :  "  Yes,  left,  dearest !  I  mean 
left." 

Mrs.  Curwen:  "Eight-button?" 

Curwen:  "Yes." 

Mrs.  Curwen  :  "  Light  drab  ?  " 

Curweny  pulling  a  light  yellow  glove 
from  his  pocket:  "Oh!"  He  staggers 
away  from  the  grating  and  stays  himself 
against  the  wall,  the  mistaken  glove 
dangling  limply  from  his  hand. 

Itoberts,  Lawton^  and  Bemis:  "Ah! 
ha!  ha!  ha!" 

Mr*.  Roberts  :  "  Oh,  for  shame !  to 
laugh  at  such  a  time !  " 

Mrs.  Miller :  "  When  it 's  a  question 
of  life  and  death.  There !  the  ringing  'a 
Btopped.  What's  that?"  Steps  are 
heard  mounting  the  stairway  rapidly, 
leveral  treads  at  a  time.  Mr.  Campbell 


76  THE  ELEVATOR. 

suddenly  bursts  into  the  group  on  the 
landing  with  a  final  bound  from  the 
stairway.  "  Oh ! " 

Campbell:  "I  can't  find  Aunt  Mary, 
Agnes.  I  can't  find  anything  —  not 
even  the  elevator.  Where 's  the  eleva 
tor  ?  I  rang  for  it  down  there  till  I  was 
black  in  the  face." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  No  wonder !  It 's 
here." 

Mrs.  MiUer  :  "  Between  this  floor  and 
the  floor  below.  With  my  husband  in 
it." 

Curwen  :  "  And  my  wife !  " 

Lawton  :  "  And  my  daughter  1 " 

Bemis :  "  And  my  son !  " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  And  aunty !  " 

All:  "  And  it 's  stuck  fast." 

Roberts :  "  And  the  long  and  short  of 


THE  ELEVATOR.  77 

it  is,  Willis,  that  we  don't  know  how  to 
get  them  out,  and  we  wish  you  would 
suggest  some  way." 

Lawton  :  "  There 's  been  a  great  tacit 
confidence  among  us  in  your  executive 
ability  and  your  inventive  genius." 

Mrs.  JRoberts  :  "  Oh,  yes,  we  know  you 
can  do  it." 

Mrs.  Miller:  "If  you  can't,  nothing 
can  save  them." 

Campbell,  going  to  the  grating :  "  Mil 
ler!" 

Miller:  "Well?" 

Campbell :  "  Start  her  up ! " 

Miller:  "Now,  look  here,  Campbell, 
we  are  not  going  to  stand  that ;  we  've 
had  enough  of  it.  I  speak  for  the  whole 
elevator.  Don't  you  suppose  that  if  it 
tad  been  possible  to  start  her  up  we  — " 


78  THE  ELEVATOR. 

Mrs.  Curwen:  "We  shouldn't  have 
been  at  the  moon  by  this  time." 

Campbell :    "  Well,   then,    start    her 


Miller:  "I  never  thought  of  that." 
To  the  Elevator  Boy :  "  Start  her 
down."  To  the  people  on  the  landing 
above :  «  Hurrah !  She 's  off !  " 

Campbell:  "  Well,  now  start  her  up ! " 

A  joint  cry  from  the  elevator:  "  Thank 
you !  we  '11  walk  up  this  time." 

Miller:  "Here!  let  us  out  at  this 
landing !  "  They  are  heard  precipitate 
ly  emerging,  with  sighs  and  groans  of 
relief,  on  the  floor  below. 

Mrs.  JRoberts,  devoutly :  "  O  Willis, 
it  seems  like  an  interposition  of  Provi 
dence,  your  coming  just  at  this  moment." 

Campbell :  "  Interposition  of  common 


THE  ELEVATOR.  79 

tense !  These  hydraulic  elevators  weak 
en  sometimes,  and  can't  go  any  further." 

Roberts^  to  the  shipwrecked  guests, 
who  arrive  at  the  top  of  the  stairs,  crest 
fallen,  spent,  and  clinging  to  one  another 
for  support :  "  Why  did  n't  you  think  of 
starting  her  down,  some  of  you  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts,  welcoming  them  with 
kisses  and  hand-shakes :  "  I  should  have 
thought  it  would  occur  to  you  at  once." 

Milter,  goaded  to  exasperation :  "  Did 
it  occur  to  any  of  you  f  " 

Lawton,  with  sublime  impudence :  "  It 
occurred  to  all  of  us.  But  we  naturally 
supposed  you  had  tried  it." 

Mrs.  Miller,  taking  possession  of  her 
husband :  "  Oh,  what  a  fright  you  have 
given  us ! " 

Miller ;  "  I  given  you  1    Do  you  sup- 


80  THE  ELEVATOR. 

pose  I  did  it  out  of  a  joke,  or  volni* 
tarily?" 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Aunty,  1  don't  kno1* 
what  to  say  to  you.  You  ought  to  have 
been  here  long  ago,  before  anything  hap 
pened." 

Mrs.  Crashaw:  "Oh,  I  can  explain 
everything  in  due  season.  What  I  wish 
you  to  do  now  is  to  let  me  get  at  Willis, 
and  kiss  him."  As  Campbell  submits  to 
her  embrace  :  "  You  dear,  good  fellow  I 
If  it  had  n't  been  for  your  presence  of 
mind,  I  don't  know  how  we  should  ever 
have  got  out  of  that  horrid  pen." 

Mrs.  Curwen,  giving  him  her  hand . 
"As  it  isn't  proper  for  me  to  kiss 
you—" 

CampbeU:  "Well,  I  don't  know.  I 
don't  wish  to  be  too  modest." 


THE  ELEVATOR.  81 

Mrs.  Curwen:  "I  think  I  shall  have 
to  vote  you  a  service  of  plate." 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Come  and  look  at  the 
pattern  of  mine.  And,  Willis,  as  you  are 
the  true  hero  of  the  occasion,  you  shall 
take  me  in  to  dinner.  And  I  am  not  go 
ing  to  let  anybody  go  before  you."  She 
seizes  his  arm,  and  leads  the  way  from 
the  landing  into  the  apartment.  Roberts, 
Lawton  and  Bemis  follow  stragglingly. 

Mrs.  Miller,  getting  her  husband  to 
one  side:  "When  she  fainted,  she 
fainted  at  you,  of  course!  What  did 
you  do?" 

.M#er:"Who?  I?  Oh!"  After  a 
moment's  reflection:  "She  came  to!" 

Curwen,  getting  his  wife  aside: 
"  When  you  fainted,  Caroline,  who  re 
vived  you?" 


82  THE  ELEVATOR 

Mrs.  Curwen:  "Who?  Me?  Oh! 
How  should  I  know?  1  was  insensi 
ble."  They  wheel  arm  in  arm,  and  meet 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Miller  in  the  middle. 
Mrs.  Curwen  yields  precedence  with 
an  ironical  courtesy :  "  After  you,  Mrs, 
Miller!" 

Mrs.  Miller,  in  a  nervous,  inimical 
twitter :  "  Oh,  before  the  heroine  of  the 
lost  elevator?" 

Mrs.  Curwen)  dropping  her  husband's 
arm,  and  taking  Mrs.  Miller's :  "  Let  us 
split  the  difference." 

Mrs.  Miller:  "Delightful!  I  shall 
never  forget  the  honor." 

Mrs.  Curwen:  "Oh,  don't  speak  of 
honors !  Mr.  Miller  was  so  kind  through 
all  those  terrible  scenes  in  the  eleva 
tor" 


THE  ELEVATOR.  83 

Mrs.  Miller:  "I've  no  doubt  you 
showed  yourself  duly  grateful."  They 
pass  in,  followed  by  their  husbands. 

Young  Mr.  Bemis,  timidly:  "Miss 
juawton,  in  the  elevator  you  asked  me 
not  to  leave  you.  Did  you — -ah  — 
mean  —  I  must  ask  you ;  it  may  be  my 
only  chance ;  if  you  meant  —  never  ?  " 

Miss  Lawton,  dropping  her  head :  "  I 
—  I  —  don't  —  know." 

Young  Mr.  Bemis  :  "  But  if  I  wished 
never  to  leave  you,  should  you  send  me 
away?" 

Miss  Xawton,  with  a  shy,  sly  upward 
glance  at  him,  "  Not  in  the  elevator !  " 

Young  Mr.  Bemis  :  "  Oh  !  " 

Mrs.RobertS)  re-appearing  at  the  door: 
"  Why,  you  good-for-nothing  young 
things,  why  don't  you  come  to  —  Oh  1 


84  THE  ELEVATOR. 

excuse  me ! "  She  re-enters  precipitately, 
followed  by  her  tardy  guests,  on  whom 
she  casts  a  backward  glance  of  sympathy, 
a  Oh,  you  needn't  hurry  I " 


Plays  and  Poems 

BY    WILLIAM    DEAN    HOWELLS 
* 

A  Counterfeit  Presentment. 

Out  of  the  Question. 

The  Sleeping-Car,  and  other  Farces. 

The  Elevator  ;  The  Sleeping-Car ;  The  Parlor 

Car;  The  Register. 
Room  Forty-Five;  Bride  Roses;  An  Indian 

Giver;  The  Smoking-Car. 
A  Sea  Change. 
Poems. 

For  Mr.  Howelh's  navels  and  books  of  travel,  SEE 
CATALOGUE. 

Houghton  Mifflin  Company 

BOSTON  AND  NEW  YORK 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 

LOAN  DEPT. 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 
Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 


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U.  C.  BERKELEY  LIBRARIES 


